Diving Into Dating … Again – The Southside Messenger

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
T.S. Eliot

Mr. Eliot is saying, with a flair, the more familiar saying, one door closes, another opens.  It may be hard or almost impossible to see that opening when your marriage ends.  Your marriage is over, but your life is not.  Single again is a dramatic life change, whether by your choice or forced upon you.  It will take time for you to move to a point that you are ready to find someone new to partner with for the next part of your life.

Before diving into dating again, your first step is to ensure that it is your choice to make this move.  Have you grieved the loss of your marriage completely?  Ask yourself if there exist any unfinished issues?  Can you think of your former spouse without bursting into tears or becoming overwhelmingly angry?  Your friends may be pushing you to start dating before you are emotionally ready.  We often hear the message that it is time to move on and to just get over what happened.  The key for you is to allow yourself sufficient time and grace to not feel pressured.  A neutral counselor can help you determine your readiness for plunging forward. 

Waiting until you are ready is about your ability to open your heart again,  as well as guarding your next significant other against any unresolved emotional turmoil.  Ending a marriage, regardless of the reason, includes a whirlwind of emotional ups and downs.  All of life’s experiences mark us in some way.  Yes, your former spouse will always be a part of you.  Part of the process of “moving on” is to redraw your identity without your former spouse.  To bring the best of yourself into a relationship, you need to have a solid picture of yourself.   

The ending of a marriage is a loss that needs to be grieved.  The length of everyone’s grieving period differ.  A rule of thumb provided by the Bible and many counselors is to take a least a year to grieve a loss before making any significant decisions.  A year allows you to go through a full round of “firsts” as a single person: the first Christmas, the first birthday, …….

Source: http://southsidemessenger.com/diving-into-dating-again/

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